Its my mum's birthday on Christmas so she relaxes and we all shared the cooking so no stress there. The dish washing fell on me, my brother is quite lazy about dishes. My daughters helped so that was ok. So I was busy. We got down to drinking my plan was to drink until I danced and started telling everyone I love them .That's my polite way of saying I 'd drink until I was drunk and then I'd fall into a contented slumber. But , it didn't happen, no matter how I tried to escape the pain I just couldn't. I finally said goodnight and went to bed.
Gosh, the mind is such a powerful relentless tool. I just couldn't sleep, sleeping in my childhood home should make me feel comforted after all my fabulously strong courageous mother was here. Everyone I loved was here sleeping under this roof .I should be happy But, I just wanted to be anywhere but here. The pain resurfaces and damn it ,it really hurts.I listened all night to the sounds a house makes the gurgling boiler, the toilet flushing, the extractor fan , everything reminded me of the time before he left. Oh, god, I really needed to go home.
When my father left it devastated us as a family. My parents had been married for 33 years when he left .They'd gone on holiday and they came back a few days before Christmas and he said he was going to give us a Christmas to remember and then he is leaving to go back home as he and was in love with someone else. Can you believe it , in one or two sentence our lives changed. My mother cried and hugged her pillow like a baby that's the only time I've ever heard that guttural sound of deep unbearable pain come out of my mum. I hope to never hear that sound again.
Without boring you he left in the Jan without calling to say goodbye. I lived across the road from my parents and we all watched him get into a taxi and we have not seen him since. For the first time in years I feel so sad, in fact I cried yesterday like a baby. I'm now left feel rather lethargic. I'm suppose to go shopping and get some bits as I having a New years eve party, but I'm still in bed laptop tea and confession to you dear friends.
I'm sorry to bore you all I know you have your own troubles but I just for once after all these years felt I'd write it down. Im still not sure I'll click on the publish button .